It's so amazing when someone comes
into your life & you expect nothing out
of it but suddenly there right in front
of you is everything you ever need.
that's how it always happens. smiling. thankful.
11.29.2011
11.28.2011
11.21.2011
25 days of Christmas.
25 days of kindness.
I was inspired by somebody to try something new this year for Christmas. I think it's so easy to get caught up in selfishness around the holiday's & I just want to refresh myself with better deeds. Christmas is about giving, joy, & love. So, there's this longing in my heart that I feel I am lead to do this. With Christmas being my absolute favorite time of year & part of the spirit of giving, I can't think of a better time to do it.
I have decided starting December 1st, to celebrate the 25 days of Christmas as the 25 days of random acts of kindness. I think kindness has become a lost art.
"If we all do one random act of kindness daily, we just might set the world in the right direction."
Each day of December, I want to spread one (if not more) random act of kindness to a stranger I cross paths with. I am hoping each day will lead me to do something, but I am preparing a few things beforehand as well. Each day I want to post about the experience that comes of it. Stay continued to hear about it. I can't think of anything I'd rather do this Christmas. So excited.
Tis' the season! :)
Happy Giving!
11.17.2011
Beautiful day, beautiful week, beautiful life.
I've been thinking about you more than usual today. Your phone number with your name is still in my phone. Sometimes I just want to call it...& hang up before the woman says "this number is no longer in service."
I remember that moment I first listened to your voicemail. Like it happened a few hours ago. Sitting on the beach in Florida, I dial my voicemail to hear you say, "Hello Michaela. I hope your having a beautiful day, beautiful week, beautiful life." You didn't have to tell me who was calling. I knew your distinctive voice. Although I lost that voicemail, I can replay it in my head. Everyday. I'll never forget it. Today it was on repeat.
You were calling me to ask if I would be in one your plays with you. That alone is a beautiful thought that makes me smile a different smile. Knowing that those were the times you outshined the world. & you wanted me to be a part.
Well, now you're with me all the time. I feel you around. Heaven only seems a vacation away. Thank you for letting me smile in thought of you, instead of tears. It's hard, I'm trying.
Missing you took my heart to a place I never knew could miss something so much. I love you.
All my love,
"Little One"
I've been thinking about you more than usual today. Your phone number with your name is still in my phone. Sometimes I just want to call it...& hang up before the woman says "this number is no longer in service."
I remember that moment I first listened to your voicemail. Like it happened a few hours ago. Sitting on the beach in Florida, I dial my voicemail to hear you say, "Hello Michaela. I hope your having a beautiful day, beautiful week, beautiful life." You didn't have to tell me who was calling. I knew your distinctive voice. Although I lost that voicemail, I can replay it in my head. Everyday. I'll never forget it. Today it was on repeat.
You were calling me to ask if I would be in one your plays with you. That alone is a beautiful thought that makes me smile a different smile. Knowing that those were the times you outshined the world. & you wanted me to be a part.
Well, now you're with me all the time. I feel you around. Heaven only seems a vacation away. Thank you for letting me smile in thought of you, instead of tears. It's hard, I'm trying.
Missing you took my heart to a place I never knew could miss something so much. I love you.
All my love,
"Little One"
11.16.2011
creatures of the common place.
There come these times, infrequently, that I develop this impulsive craving to stop everything I'm doing, open the door & run free as a bird in this open field as fast as I can. Free-spirited. I can't tell if I have dreamt of this place or an illustration I painted in my mind. It's as vacant as the ocean & greener than grass scattered across fields & fields & fields that you can't sustain beyond. There's nothing else. I am the only one. I am slightly running down a hill, to that point where you hardly even have control, it's guiding you through. I feel every inch of my body in motion. The only thing arresting my mind is freedom. Not sprinting from my catastrophies, for I created those effortlessly, rather immigrate to new beginnings. Yeah, that. I like the way that sounds. Fear becomes a foreign word. My arms are open wide & the breeze feels so good hitting my face & through my hair. Eyes wide shut. I never stop, I just wake up.
11.15.2011
heavy & overwhelmed heart flowing of words.
We're all in need of healing & redemption. Be still, there is a healing.
Set aside religion, church, business, etc. Tonight was nothing of that. Tonight what was I have been longing for. What stirs my heart. Tonight was strictly nothing but LOVE.
Gathering of friends, family, & new people. Different people & different ages, all coming together to share one common longing in everyone's heart. We're all in need of healing. All of us. Coming together in prayer not even informed of what's going on in someones life or their struggles but seeing a group of people being able to come together in peace... THAT MOVES ME.
It moves me to my core.
The simplicity of a hug. It's all around. They don't even realize the impact of their hand on my shoulder. An underlying matter.
It's reassuring. To remember that there is goodness left in this beautifully broken world.
It's not about putting your faith in the hands of your peers. Placing your faith in the hands of God, for he knows all. He knows how to love. & that will shine through your love for others.
Do more than exist.
The walls of my heart are glass,
& its your breath steaming up the windows,
your fingers writing poetry on my organs strung with lights
you are tracing me, you are shaping me
every word you write sounds like love
every word you whisper rhymes with free.
Set aside religion, church, business, etc. Tonight was nothing of that. Tonight what was I have been longing for. What stirs my heart. Tonight was strictly nothing but LOVE.
Gathering of friends, family, & new people. Different people & different ages, all coming together to share one common longing in everyone's heart. We're all in need of healing. All of us. Coming together in prayer not even informed of what's going on in someones life or their struggles but seeing a group of people being able to come together in peace... THAT MOVES ME.
It moves me to my core.
The simplicity of a hug. It's all around. They don't even realize the impact of their hand on my shoulder. An underlying matter.
It's reassuring. To remember that there is goodness left in this beautifully broken world.
It's not about putting your faith in the hands of your peers. Placing your faith in the hands of God, for he knows all. He knows how to love. & that will shine through your love for others.
Do more than exist.
The walls of my heart are glass,
& its your breath steaming up the windows,
your fingers writing poetry on my organs strung with lights
you are tracing me, you are shaping me
every word you write sounds like love
every word you whisper rhymes with free.
11.13.2011
She did it anyway,
The best thing I've ever been told, which was a few weeks ago: "set it free."
& it's never been easier till now.
How beautiful is that.
Also, pay attention to your heart. It carries your instincts. & those are smart.
Stop counting every little detail & analyzing it in every way possible so you know how much sorrow to bring with you the next day. Just go ahead & run around in circles chasing your tail.
I'm not ready. Lessons are still being learned. My favorite part is that I realize that.
"People are often unreasonable & self-centered.
forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people might cheat you.
be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
be happy anyway. (& share it with them)
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have & it may never be enough.
give your best anyway."
Love the people around you.
:)
Set it free.
& it's never been easier till now.
How beautiful is that.
Also, pay attention to your heart. It carries your instincts. & those are smart.
Stop counting every little detail & analyzing it in every way possible so you know how much sorrow to bring with you the next day. Just go ahead & run around in circles chasing your tail.
I'm not ready. Lessons are still being learned. My favorite part is that I realize that.
"People are often unreasonable & self-centered.
forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people might cheat you.
be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
be happy anyway. (& share it with them)
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have & it may never be enough.
give your best anyway."
Love the people around you.
:)
Set it free.
11.10.2011
comfortable.
one thing i can tell you is you've got to be free.
all the details you can find only caught between the syllables & breaths.
i recognize the smell of your skin like a sailor knows the sea.
feelings that dig their roots into your skin, can no longer be hidden in your veins, it shines right through those eyes.
on the threshold of something so sweet.
you have a way of opening my heart to places i don't want to unfold but when you do there is nothing like it.
let love in.
is there ever a perfect time?
it feels like a million exclamation points in my heart & one big question mark constantly on my mind.
i have a sea of flames in my stomach and i want to believe in this, in me, in you the way your eyes set on fire when you look at me and remember why the world spins and atoms collide because of fate.
serendipity.
i've never heard silence scream so loudly.
the promise of a new beginning.
the one who always says goodbye but never knows how to leave.
do not let your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserve and have never been able to reach. the world you desire can be won. it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours. touch the core of this world & make it smile.
you want to live in the now? this is our moment. we'll never step foot here again for this moment has already passed. & again. & again.
eat your words. there's ink on the corner of your mouth.
all we have is now.
wake up, the world needs your soul.
awake my soul.
we're all stories in the end.
all the details you can find only caught between the syllables & breaths.
i recognize the smell of your skin like a sailor knows the sea.
feelings that dig their roots into your skin, can no longer be hidden in your veins, it shines right through those eyes.
on the threshold of something so sweet.
you have a way of opening my heart to places i don't want to unfold but when you do there is nothing like it.
let love in.
is there ever a perfect time?
it feels like a million exclamation points in my heart & one big question mark constantly on my mind.
i have a sea of flames in my stomach and i want to believe in this, in me, in you the way your eyes set on fire when you look at me and remember why the world spins and atoms collide because of fate.
serendipity.
i've never heard silence scream so loudly.
the promise of a new beginning.
the one who always says goodbye but never knows how to leave.
do not let your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserve and have never been able to reach. the world you desire can be won. it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours. touch the core of this world & make it smile.
you want to live in the now? this is our moment. we'll never step foot here again for this moment has already passed. & again. & again.
eat your words. there's ink on the corner of your mouth.
all we have is now.
wake up, the world needs your soul.
awake my soul.
we're all stories in the end.
11.09.2011
11.08.2011
11.07.2011
A blessing in disguise.
I just want to be there for you.
What little I have to give, I want to give to you.
It'd be nice if you'd let me try.
You know those people you meet. The kind of people that put so much color inside of your black&white world. You were one of those. You are one of those. You are loved more than you know.
All I know is that's enough to not let go.
Were all fighting some kind of battle. Don't you ever feel alone in this mass population. I can't promise you consistency, nobody can. I can't promise to tell you I know how you're feeling, because I don't. But I can promise to remain in your hand. Even when you push me away. Which is one thing I will NEVER understand. If I care about you, I will absolutely no questions asked, never ever force you out of my life. I want you there. Stay put. But not everyone is me, therefore I'm learning to except your ways. You're not the only one learning here. It's a learning process all around.
I know you're searching for a deeper meaning. To life, to the problems life places at your feet. Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Maybe there is an answer, maybe there isn't. Maybe the answer is so much more simple than the questions you're trying to reveal. Mouthwatering ambiguity.
All this pain & fighting will be useful to you one day. We've all fought for something at some point. A blessing in disguise. Everybody has problems. Everybody has bad times. Do we sacrafice all the good times for them? Somewhere between heartache & waiting comes a fraction of hope. It will take it's sweet time, but eventually it will build up into something called love. That, I am still trying to uncover. Love is everywhere. How do I know? Look at all the places I've found a heart. It's everywhere, trust me.
There is always always always something to be thankful for. When your heart speaks, take good notes. One truth in life that I was fortunate to master at a young age is simplicity is beautiful. The most insignificant things in this world have turned into the reason of my life. Find beauty in everything. It's there. Make a list of happy things. Anything that has ever brought a smile to your face. Your list should be endless. If it's not, look closer. It will do you wonders.
Darling, be patient. Getting lost helps you find yourself. We're all lost.
You were meant for amazing things. That I have no doubt in.
What little I have to give, I want to give to you.
It'd be nice if you'd let me try.
You know those people you meet. The kind of people that put so much color inside of your black&white world. You were one of those. You are one of those. You are loved more than you know.
All I know is that's enough to not let go.
Were all fighting some kind of battle. Don't you ever feel alone in this mass population. I can't promise you consistency, nobody can. I can't promise to tell you I know how you're feeling, because I don't. But I can promise to remain in your hand. Even when you push me away. Which is one thing I will NEVER understand. If I care about you, I will absolutely no questions asked, never ever force you out of my life. I want you there. Stay put. But not everyone is me, therefore I'm learning to except your ways. You're not the only one learning here. It's a learning process all around.
I know you're searching for a deeper meaning. To life, to the problems life places at your feet. Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Maybe there is an answer, maybe there isn't. Maybe the answer is so much more simple than the questions you're trying to reveal. Mouthwatering ambiguity.
All this pain & fighting will be useful to you one day. We've all fought for something at some point. A blessing in disguise. Everybody has problems. Everybody has bad times. Do we sacrafice all the good times for them? Somewhere between heartache & waiting comes a fraction of hope. It will take it's sweet time, but eventually it will build up into something called love. That, I am still trying to uncover. Love is everywhere. How do I know? Look at all the places I've found a heart. It's everywhere, trust me.
There is always always always something to be thankful for. When your heart speaks, take good notes. One truth in life that I was fortunate to master at a young age is simplicity is beautiful. The most insignificant things in this world have turned into the reason of my life. Find beauty in everything. It's there. Make a list of happy things. Anything that has ever brought a smile to your face. Your list should be endless. If it's not, look closer. It will do you wonders.
Darling, be patient. Getting lost helps you find yourself. We're all lost.
You were meant for amazing things. That I have no doubt in.
I've got this friend
I don't think you know him
He's not much for words
He's hidden his heart away
Oh I've got this friend
A loveless romantic
All that he really wants
Is someone to want him back
Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, If the right one came, along
I've got this friend
I don't think you know her
She sings a simple song
It sounds a lot like his
Oh I've got this friend
Holding onto her heart
(Like it's a little secret)
Like it's all she's got to give
Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, if the right one came, along
It'd be such a shame
If they never meet
She sounds lovely
He sounds right out of a dream
If only
If only
If only
Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, I've got this friend,
If the right one came along
Ohh, I've got this friend
If the right one came, along
I don't think you know him
He's not much for words
He's hidden his heart away
Oh I've got this friend
A loveless romantic
All that he really wants
Is someone to want him back
Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, If the right one came, along
I've got this friend
I don't think you know her
She sings a simple song
It sounds a lot like his
Oh I've got this friend
Holding onto her heart
(Like it's a little secret)
Like it's all she's got to give
Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, if the right one came, along
It'd be such a shame
If they never meet
She sounds lovely
He sounds right out of a dream
If only
If only
If only
Ohh, if the right one came
If the right one came along
Ohh, I've got this friend,
If the right one came along
Ohh, I've got this friend
If the right one came, along
10.31.2011
to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
& you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again.
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
& you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again.
10.30.2011
10.28.2011
we've all got broken strings.
but we try our best not to think
about those kinds of things.
i wonder about love sometimes
& the bodies i've seen it come in.
how when we hit the light
we never stay for long.
maybe our bodies weren't built
for this. but i'll never be sorry for
all the feelings i bear in all the places
they cannot fit.
sometimes when i listen carefully
i think i hear you singing.
maybe it's just the sound of the
wind hitting our broken strings.
but this world is a very lonely place
if you never
learn how to love
broken
things.
10.26.2011
10.20.2011
EMPHASIS.
Death is promised to the bee who's sting protects the colony.
Was it's life worth nothing more than honey for the queen?
Life is a branch and it is a dove, handcrafted by confusing love.
Sign language is our reply, when church beels make no sound.
In hollow towers and empty hives, we craved sweetness with a fear of heights.
Was it all just a grain of sand in an hourglass?
The smartest thing i've ever learned is that i don't have all the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
Death is a cold, blindfolded kiss.
It is the finger pressed upon our lips.
It puts an unwanted emphasis on how we should have lived.
Life is a gorgeous, broken gift.
Six billion+ pieces waiting to be fixed.
Love letters that were never signed, sent to where we live.
But the sweetest thing i've ever heard is that i don't have to have the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
Was it's life worth nothing more than honey for the queen?
Life is a branch and it is a dove, handcrafted by confusing love.
Sign language is our reply, when church beels make no sound.
In hollow towers and empty hives, we craved sweetness with a fear of heights.
Was it all just a grain of sand in an hourglass?
The smartest thing i've ever learned is that i don't have all the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
Death is a cold, blindfolded kiss.
It is the finger pressed upon our lips.
It puts an unwanted emphasis on how we should have lived.
Life is a gorgeous, broken gift.
Six billion+ pieces waiting to be fixed.
Love letters that were never signed, sent to where we live.
But the sweetest thing i've ever heard is that i don't have to have the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
10.19.2011
Because.
Question? Turned into an opinion:
All I know, is that you can't rely on someone to make you happy.
Not saying that people can't make you a happier person. Because they can. But if you build upon them you arn't going to be happy because people let you down because we are all human.
People compliment your life well. So don't ever not welcome them in. They are suppose to be there. Just not a source of dependancy.
I hate that.
Somebody explain life to me...I'm lost.
Happiness lies in the eye of the beholder.
You want to know if somebody is happy? Look into their eyes. They don't have to be smiling.
All I know, is that you can't rely on someone to make you happy.
Not saying that people can't make you a happier person. Because they can. But if you build upon them you arn't going to be happy because people let you down because we are all human.
People compliment your life well. So don't ever not welcome them in. They are suppose to be there. Just not a source of dependancy.
I hate that.
Somebody explain life to me...I'm lost.
Happiness lies in the eye of the beholder.
You want to know if somebody is happy? Look into their eyes. They don't have to be smiling.
10.16.2011
maybe you'll never notice.
because you are fireworks and
i am pale skies and you are trumpets
and claxons while i am a single harp string
and i have shy eyes and quiet
hands and where you are the chorus and
the thunder of waves, i am only a breeze
ruffling the grass, in the faint and milky dawn
but
i love you more than you know.
because you are fireworks and
i am pale skies and you are trumpets
and claxons while i am a single harp string
and i have shy eyes and quiet
hands and where you are the chorus and
the thunder of waves, i am only a breeze
ruffling the grass, in the faint and milky dawn
but
i love you more than you know.
10.14.2011
10.06.2011
I love reading old posts that I never posted. I feel like sharing it, at least for now. Catch it while you can:
9.30.11
So many things to say to you. Unanswered questions, opinions, thoughts. Just one problem. Is it worth telling you? See, I don't know.
Some days I've moved on & somedays I haven't. But to me, it feels like were fighting something. Why? Why are we fighting something so easy? Something that just happened that we hardly had to work for? Isn't that's how its suppose to be? You've got other battles over you though. & I know that. But still, I just wanna scream "FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY". Some things can't be rushed.
9.29.11
I've been asked: "Why are you so nice to people who don't deserve it?"
Besides the fact that I've known the golden rule since before I came into the world, it is my belief that those are the people who need it most. Whether you have shown if you do or don't deserve it, it's who I am no matter what. So, no matter how awful you decide to treat me, I will forever be nice to you. Is it ok to take advantage? Walk all over me? Do whatever you want with my heart? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
But, more than likely, you'll do it anyway. Why change now, right?
Do not say anything you don't mean. If you really mean it, SHOW ME.
Words mean nothing when they don't match up to your actions. Empty words, its all I hear.
I do strive to have good intentions, & do good to others. & I fail daily at this. But I TRY. Give it all my best.
& Can I just say I felt like I gave it all my best to you. To make it work, make it happy. Letting you know I never had any intentions to hurt you...did the smile on my face every time you were in my presence not give it away?
After giving you plenty of opportunities to say what you needed to say. And you never took them. Instead of making it easy on everyone, you decide to hide. & then show up when needed.
I can handle every bit of the truth, What I can't handle is lies.
I am so so so sick of the way men treat women. Not to say it can't be the other way around, because I see it just as often. It just breaks my heart. Completely.
JUST BE NICE. RESPECT. ITS NOT THAT HARD. DO IT, I DARE YOU.
Sorry for ranting. Try to read through the anger & bitterness. It was not intended.
Another lesson in life, I'm learning a lot....
Everybody needs love.
8.23.11
things were so easy. falling for someone should be that easy. it shouldn't be forced upon, or be fought with. it just happens. and it did. & I can say this because I know you felt it too otherwise neither one of us would be here.
watching a flower bloom would be faster than waiting for you.
& its not that I want to give up, but I think you already did.
I'm one of those people that needs closure. Are we done here?
8.11.11
It doesn't matter how sorry you feel,
life is a game of dominoes..if only good things were being passed on to one another. when someone hurts you,
you go & do the same thing to another.
At some point it ends though right?
I still believe in the goodness of people.
It's in you & it's not that hard to find.
10.22.09
i LOVE pickles, they're my favorite food. i don't have a favorite color, but if i did, it would be plumish purple. yes, that's a color. i hate making decisions. i get offended if people aren't as bubbly about things as i am. my entire bedroom is actually just a huge closet to me. i often pretend like my life is the movie serendipity. however, i do believe everyone is passed through your life for a reason. i hope i'm a reason for someone else. i cry easily. it's cause i have a loving heart :) sweet tea is my favorite drink. i love the way i feel in a dress. i hate hate hate when people eat by themselves. i love to snuggle. i love people+bonfires. there is a feeling i get around the holidays, it is like no other. even when i think about it i can feel it. i can smell, feel and taste it, i get so excited. i hate to be alone. i dont remember that last time i went to bed before midnight. i'm a night owl. hoo, hoo. i hate planning. i don't like fruit. grapes and bananas sometimes. it doesn't matter how much sleep i get, if i have to wake up in the morning, i will be tired and not want to get up. i don't talk in the mornings. give me a few hours after i wake up. my mom is my best friend. really, my best friend. when i'm old, i want a cool story to tell. i've never felt like i "fit in". i like that about myself. i hate to be like anyone else. i don't like to have the same things, wear the same things, i don't like when people say i remind them of someone else. i'm michaela. i want to be just me. originality is my favorite. my favorite saying is "i belong among the wildflowers." because i do. i live in the future too much. i hate peanut butter. i might be the only kid who wouldnt eat pb&j's. gross.
these are the little things i want to know about you.
(CAN I JUST SAY HOW EXCITED I WAS READING THIS AGAIN. IT BROUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE KNOWING NOTHINGS CHANGED! HEHE)
9.1.09
i greet him with my best smile.
So many things to say to you. Unanswered questions, opinions, thoughts. Just one problem. Is it worth telling you? See, I don't know.
Some days I've moved on & somedays I haven't. But to me, it feels like were fighting something. Why? Why are we fighting something so easy? Something that just happened that we hardly had to work for? Isn't that's how its suppose to be? You've got other battles over you though. & I know that. But still, I just wanna scream "FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY". Some things can't be rushed.
9.29.11
I've been asked: "Why are you so nice to people who don't deserve it?"
Besides the fact that I've known the golden rule since before I came into the world, it is my belief that those are the people who need it most. Whether you have shown if you do or don't deserve it, it's who I am no matter what. So, no matter how awful you decide to treat me, I will forever be nice to you. Is it ok to take advantage? Walk all over me? Do whatever you want with my heart? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
But, more than likely, you'll do it anyway. Why change now, right?
Do not say anything you don't mean. If you really mean it, SHOW ME.
Words mean nothing when they don't match up to your actions. Empty words, its all I hear.
I do strive to have good intentions, & do good to others. & I fail daily at this. But I TRY. Give it all my best.
& Can I just say I felt like I gave it all my best to you. To make it work, make it happy. Letting you know I never had any intentions to hurt you...did the smile on my face every time you were in my presence not give it away?
After giving you plenty of opportunities to say what you needed to say. And you never took them. Instead of making it easy on everyone, you decide to hide. & then show up when needed.
I can handle every bit of the truth, What I can't handle is lies.
I am so so so sick of the way men treat women. Not to say it can't be the other way around, because I see it just as often. It just breaks my heart. Completely.
JUST BE NICE. RESPECT. ITS NOT THAT HARD. DO IT, I DARE YOU.
Sorry for ranting. Try to read through the anger & bitterness. It was not intended.
Another lesson in life, I'm learning a lot....
Everybody needs love.
8.23.11
the look on your face that night
I saw you with your split second
of a grin keeps replaying in my head.
things were so easy. falling for someone should be that easy. it shouldn't be forced upon, or be fought with. it just happens. and it did. & I can say this because I know you felt it too otherwise neither one of us would be here.
watching a flower bloom would be faster than waiting for you.
& its not that I want to give up, but I think you already did.
I'm one of those people that needs closure. Are we done here?
8.11.11
It doesn't matter how sorry you feel,
life is a game of dominoes..if only good things were being passed on to one another. when someone hurts you,
you go & do the same thing to another.
At some point it ends though right?
I still believe in the goodness of people.
It's in you & it's not that hard to find.
10.22.09
i LOVE pickles, they're my favorite food. i don't have a favorite color, but if i did, it would be plumish purple. yes, that's a color. i hate making decisions. i get offended if people aren't as bubbly about things as i am. my entire bedroom is actually just a huge closet to me. i often pretend like my life is the movie serendipity. however, i do believe everyone is passed through your life for a reason. i hope i'm a reason for someone else. i cry easily. it's cause i have a loving heart :) sweet tea is my favorite drink. i love the way i feel in a dress. i hate hate hate when people eat by themselves. i love to snuggle. i love people+bonfires. there is a feeling i get around the holidays, it is like no other. even when i think about it i can feel it. i can smell, feel and taste it, i get so excited. i hate to be alone. i dont remember that last time i went to bed before midnight. i'm a night owl. hoo, hoo. i hate planning. i don't like fruit. grapes and bananas sometimes. it doesn't matter how much sleep i get, if i have to wake up in the morning, i will be tired and not want to get up. i don't talk in the mornings. give me a few hours after i wake up. my mom is my best friend. really, my best friend. when i'm old, i want a cool story to tell. i've never felt like i "fit in". i like that about myself. i hate to be like anyone else. i don't like to have the same things, wear the same things, i don't like when people say i remind them of someone else. i'm michaela. i want to be just me. originality is my favorite. my favorite saying is "i belong among the wildflowers." because i do. i live in the future too much. i hate peanut butter. i might be the only kid who wouldnt eat pb&j's. gross.
these are the little things i want to know about you.
(CAN I JUST SAY HOW EXCITED I WAS READING THIS AGAIN. IT BROUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE KNOWING NOTHINGS CHANGED! HEHE)
9.1.09
i greet him with my best smile.
10.04.2011
9.29.2011
9.21.2011
9.08.2011
8.30.2011
8.29.2011
Righty.
Left brain: I am the left brain.
I am a scientist. A mathematician.
I love the familiar. I categorize.
I am accurate. Linear. Analytical.
Strategic. I am practical. Always
in control. A master of words and
language. Realistic. I calculate
equations and play with numbers.
I am order. I am logic.
I know exactly who I am.
Right brain: I am the right brain.
I am creativity. A free spirit.
I am passion. Yearning. Sensuality.
I am the sound of roaring laughter.
I am taste. The feeling of sand
beneath bare feet. I am movement.
Vivid colors. I am the urge to
paint on an empty canvas. I am
boundless imagination.
Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel.
I am everything I wanted to be.
8.25.2011
8.19.2011
8.15.2011
No one is going to love if you don't love yourself. Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. When your heart speaks, take good notes. Surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams. Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter. You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you. If the music is good, dance! Love is kind, anything less isn't love at all. Find what it is that makes you happy & who it is that makes you happy & you're set. Promise. Logic will get you from a-z, imagination will get you everywhere. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Not all those who wander are lost. Replace fear of the unknown with curiosity. There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind. Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place. Kill them with kindness. Inside us all patiently waiting, sits a tiny little adventurous bird.
You are loved.
Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything will be ok.
:)
You are loved.
Not to spoil the ending for you, but everything will be ok.
:)
The headlines talk
Of sadness and new risk.
Life is deadly,
My fingers to your lips.
We'll send the world in reverse.
Love is tension and thrill
That begs to be ours.
We are diamonds waiting to be found,
Catching light in the corners of our eyes.
We are diamonds waiting to be found.
We are the hunted,
We are the shining northern lights.
We are the nervous,
We feel our hands becoming vines.
We'll dream in color tonight.
Love is tension and thrill
That begs to be ours.
There are cities inside of everyone:
Life within life,
The trembling in our voice.
When I look into your eyes
I see the tip of an iceberg.
When I look into your eyes
I see that love is an iceberg
That throws us into the sea.
We're walking on the ocean floor,
Feeding sharks out of our hands.
We are diamonds waiting to be found,
Catching light in the corners of our eyes.
We are diamonds waiting to be found.
Of sadness and new risk.
Life is deadly,
My fingers to your lips.
We'll send the world in reverse.
Love is tension and thrill
That begs to be ours.
We are diamonds waiting to be found,
Catching light in the corners of our eyes.
We are diamonds waiting to be found.
We are the hunted,
We are the shining northern lights.
We are the nervous,
We feel our hands becoming vines.
We'll dream in color tonight.
Love is tension and thrill
That begs to be ours.
There are cities inside of everyone:
Life within life,
The trembling in our voice.
When I look into your eyes
I see the tip of an iceberg.
When I look into your eyes
I see that love is an iceberg
That throws us into the sea.
We're walking on the ocean floor,
Feeding sharks out of our hands.
We are diamonds waiting to be found,
Catching light in the corners of our eyes.
We are diamonds waiting to be found.
8.14.2011
8.11.2011
8.08.2011
Why?
People are a hard thing to understand. But that's just something you never figure out. I guess for me I am constantly asking myself why people do the things they do?
It all revolves around where they came from, & where they've been. Because that has made you who you are.
I know the things I have been through in my life have taught me things I wouldn't know otherwise. What I am wanting to rant about for a bit is....
Why you try to give so much to someone & suddenly they end up taking it, tear it up, & throw it back in your face before you even realize what happened? It hurts.
I can never ever say enough that the people in my life are my EVERYTHING. absolutely everything. & I would do anything I could for them. Why? Because I love them and thats what you do when you love people.
Why is ok for people to take advantage of that? I want to do good things for you because it pours out of my heart. It makes me feel happiest if I can make someone else happy.
When you have lost 2 of the closest people in your life, that changes you. That changes you as a person, it changes your view point, it changes your mindset. Because of this reason, the people in my life are the most important because as the clique saying goes "You never know when people will just disappear from your life"....or something like that. They all mean the same thing. So when someone comes into my life, I get attached. I attach very quickly because I don't know how long you'll be around. If its 2 day or 2 years, etc, whatever the case may be, I get close very quickly. One of the worst & best things about me. If you were me, you would be the same. Nothing will change that. It's who I am.
I want to talk to the people in my life everyday. I want to see them everyday. When somebody means something to you, thats what happens. Say what you feel everytime you get the chance. Don't let it pass you by. Tell people you love them. "Life is TOO short". So so so true. That's why I don't waste my time waiting for things to happen. If I want to be with you, I tell you, I show you, I do what I can. The least you could do is not push me away. I'm right here.
yes, you mean something to me.
It all revolves around where they came from, & where they've been. Because that has made you who you are.
I know the things I have been through in my life have taught me things I wouldn't know otherwise. What I am wanting to rant about for a bit is....
Why you try to give so much to someone & suddenly they end up taking it, tear it up, & throw it back in your face before you even realize what happened? It hurts.
I can never ever say enough that the people in my life are my EVERYTHING. absolutely everything. & I would do anything I could for them. Why? Because I love them and thats what you do when you love people.
Why is ok for people to take advantage of that? I want to do good things for you because it pours out of my heart. It makes me feel happiest if I can make someone else happy.
When you have lost 2 of the closest people in your life, that changes you. That changes you as a person, it changes your view point, it changes your mindset. Because of this reason, the people in my life are the most important because as the clique saying goes "You never know when people will just disappear from your life"....or something like that. They all mean the same thing. So when someone comes into my life, I get attached. I attach very quickly because I don't know how long you'll be around. If its 2 day or 2 years, etc, whatever the case may be, I get close very quickly. One of the worst & best things about me. If you were me, you would be the same. Nothing will change that. It's who I am.
I want to talk to the people in my life everyday. I want to see them everyday. When somebody means something to you, thats what happens. Say what you feel everytime you get the chance. Don't let it pass you by. Tell people you love them. "Life is TOO short". So so so true. That's why I don't waste my time waiting for things to happen. If I want to be with you, I tell you, I show you, I do what I can. The least you could do is not push me away. I'm right here.
yes, you mean something to me.
8.07.2011
8.03.2011
8.02.2011
7.26.2011
The most beautiful people we have known
are those who have known defeat,
known suffering, known struggle, known loss,
& have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have an appreciation,
a sensitivity, an understanding of life
that fills them with compassion,
gentleness, & a deep loving
concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen.
7.13.2011
6.14.2011
new. prepare, its a long one.
Well, first I must introduce the new love of my life:
Squirrel.I don't know how I ever lived without him.
He is my baby.
However, on the subject of fuzzy children,
we did have to say goodbye to our Madison.
She lived a long, happy 14 years & is missed
dearly. She is in a better place now & I still
think & talk to her often. She isn't suffering
anymore & that's the only way I can smile now.
I'm pretty sure she sent Squirrel to me.
Love you "Bunty".
I'm in another "in-between" stage in life. Least favorite place. But how else do you get from one place to the other. It always turns out fine :)
Looking to change a few things, hopefully soon! We'll see.
Ray Lamontagne is TOMORROW. IT IS GOING TO BE MIND BLOWING. details later.
I've had an off & on overwhelmed heart. No body warns you what it feels like to watch someone you've had in your heart move on without you. Everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a rea.......etc. Hindsight will always be 20/20. When I get there, I'll see it. Adele-Someone like you <-- made for me, I'm telling you.
After EVERYTHING though, I have forced myself into believing I don't want any of that. Marriage, relationships, love. & usually someone never has a problem reminding me why. But I think I still have a tiny bit of hope that I'll find it & be happy in it. But the other side is telling me I wasn't made to have that. I've made myself pretty independent, where do you even start? I'm still figuring that out.....or deciding if I want to..That's a long drawn out subject. Squirrel is the best company, love, better half I could ever have. So you'll have to beat that. Good luck.
ABOVE ALL,
HAPPINESS
IS HERE & I CAN ONLY BE
THANKFUL.
2.10.2011
this just happened.
[10:04:53 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
[10:05:10 PM] tiffany greskamp: creep
[10:05:20 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: seriously. he just pushed me over the edge.
[10:05:24 PM] tiffany greskamp: ha
[10:05:28 PM] tiffany greskamp: did you say anything?
[10:05:46 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: noooope
[10:05:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: goo
[10:05:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: d
[10:20:48 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: fooorizzle
[10:20:56 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: im in a weird mood!!!!!!!!!1
[10:21:07 PM] tiffany greskamp: ummm you just said forrizle
[10:21:11 PM] tiffany greskamp: 0_o
[10:21:16 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: PAAAAAAAA
[10:21:21 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I KNOW
[10:21:25 PM] tiffany greskamp: yo uwerido
[10:21:32 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: SERIOUSLY.
[10:21:38 PM] tiffany greskamp: lol
[10:21:41 PM] tiffany greskamp: howd your hair turn out
[10:21:52 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BEAUTIMOUS.
[10:21:56 PM] tiffany greskamp: what????
[10:22:24 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BEAUTIFUL + I DONT KNOW WHAT OTHER WORD I COMBINED WITH THAT
[10:22:27 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: FABULOUS?
[10:22:29 PM] tiffany greskamp: HAHAHAHAHAHA
[10:22:33 PM] tiffany greskamp: haha
[10:22:37 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: NOT SURE WHERE THE M CAME FROM
[10:22:49 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HEHEH
[10:22:49 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL
[10:22:57 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BAHAHAHA
[10:22:57 PM] tiffany greskamp: i wish i was hyper like u
[10:23:05 PM] tiffany greskamp: im so sleepy from doing nothing ha
[10:23:32 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: YOU NEED TO HYPEREXTEND
[10:23:33 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: LOL
[10:23:42 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BUT NOT YOUR ARM JUST YOURSELF
[10:23:43 PM] tiffany greskamp: thats a bad thing
[10:23:47 PM] tiffany greskamp: lol
[10:23:57 PM] tiffany greskamp: i dont understand
[10:24:03 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: ME EITHER
[10:24:09 PM] tiffany greskamp: did you inhale too much hair color today
[10:24:17 PM] tiffany greskamp: you make me giggle
[10:24:21 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: MORE THAN LIKELY
[10:24:31 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I CAN HEAR YOUR GIGGLE THROUGH OUR TISSUE PAPER WALLS
[10:24:43 PM] tiffany greskamp: WHY ALL THE CAPS????!!??!?
[10:24:51 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: CAUSE ITS MORE FUN
[10:24:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: o
[10:24:56 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: AND IT LOOKS LIKE IM YELLING
[10:24:57 PM] tiffany greskamp: O
[10:25:01 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: TO GET THE POINT ACROSS
[10:25:07 PM] tiffany greskamp: IM IN A STORE AND IM SINGING\
[10:25:30 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: IM HERE WITH MY DAD.....& WE NEVER MET & HE WANTS ME TO SING HIM A SOOOONG
[10:25:35 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: & GUESS WHAT
[10:25:39 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL WHAT
[10:25:43 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
[10:26:04 PM] tiffany greskamp: YOUR FACE SHOULD BE ON A CHRISTMAS CARD
[10:26:18 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: WHATS A CHRISTMAS GRAHAM! I WANT ONEEE
[10:26:29 PM] tiffany greskamp: CAN YOU GIIIIVE UUUUUSSSS DIIIRRREEEEEECTIOONNNNSSSS???? ....COMMMMMME BAAAAACKKK
[10:26:44 PM] tiffany greskamp: WOOOHAHAHHHAAAAA BLLALAHHAHH
[10:26:48 PM] tiffany greskamp: THAT SOUNDED A LITTLE ORCA ISH
[10:27:04 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I WISH I COULD SPEAK WHALE
[10:27:09 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: MAYBE I SHOULD TRY HUMPBACK
[10:27:15 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[10:27:17 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL
[10:27:37 PM] tiffany greskamp: WERE LOOKING FOR HIS SON DINGO
[10:27:42 PM] tiffany greskamp: NEMO
[10:27:52 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HIS SON BINGO
[10:28:00 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: NEMOOOO
[10:28:14 PM] tiffany greskamp: P SHERMAN 42 WALLABY WAY SYDNEY
[10:28:20 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I REMEMBERED IT AGIAN!
[10:28:24 PM] tiffany greskamp: "ESCAP-E"
[10:28:36 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HUH THATS FUNNY IT LOOKS JUST LIKE THE WORD ESCAPE
[10:28:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: OH LOOK ITS A PARTY WHO BROUGHT BALLOONS?
[10:29:04 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: CAREFUL WITH THAT HAMMER
[10:29:23 PM] tiffany greskamp: HO HO HOHO HOOO I LOOVE TOO SWWIIIIIMMM
[10:29:52 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HEY CONSIOUS, AM I DEAD?
[10:30:20 PM] tiffany greskamp: D.A.R.L.A.
[10:30:39 PM] tiffany greskamp: YOURE REALLY CUTE BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE SAYING!
[10:31:17 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: SEAMONKEY STOLE MY $$$$$$$
[10:31:22 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL
[10:32:20 PM] tiffany greskamp: GO TO BED
[10:32:28 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: NEVERRRRRRRR
[10:32:36 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I ACTUALLY NEED TO WORK OUT...IM STALLING
[10:32:39 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL OK 5YEAR OLD
[10:32:50 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HAHAH DEVIL 5 YEAR OLD
[10:32:51 PM] tiffany greskamp: JUMP ON YOUR BEN FOR AEROBICS
[10:32:53 PM] tiffany greskamp: *BED
[10:32:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: HAHAHAHAAA
[10:32:58 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[10:33:10 PM] tiffany greskamp: I HEAR YOU LAUGHING AND ITS MAKING ME LAUGH
[10:33:13 PM] tiffany greskamp: UNCONTROLLABLY
[10:33:16 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: PAHAHHAHA
[10:33:17 PM] tiffany greskamp: IM GASPING FOR AIR
[10:33:27 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: WOULDNT IT BE COOL IF WE BOTH HAD BENS
[10:33:32 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: TEHEHTEHHE
[10:33:38 PM] tiffany greskamp: YEAH THEN WE COULD BE BEN BUDDIES
[10:33:46 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: AND JUMP ON THEM
[10:33:49 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: LOL
[10:33:50 PM] tiffany greskamp: HAHA
[10:33:56 PM] tiffany greskamp: HES CALLING ME RIGHT NOW
[10:33:59 PM] tiffany greskamp: SSHHH
[10:34:13 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENJYYYYYYYYY
[10:45:36 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: IM GOING TO SAVE THIS CONVERSATION FOR MY WHOLE LIFE.
[10:05:10 PM] tiffany greskamp: creep
[10:05:20 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: seriously. he just pushed me over the edge.
[10:05:24 PM] tiffany greskamp: ha
[10:05:28 PM] tiffany greskamp: did you say anything?
[10:05:46 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: noooope
[10:05:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: goo
[10:05:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: d
[10:20:48 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: fooorizzle
[10:20:56 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: im in a weird mood!!!!!!!!!1
[10:21:07 PM] tiffany greskamp: ummm you just said forrizle
[10:21:11 PM] tiffany greskamp: 0_o
[10:21:16 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: PAAAAAAAA
[10:21:21 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I KNOW
[10:21:25 PM] tiffany greskamp: yo uwerido
[10:21:32 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: SERIOUSLY.
[10:21:38 PM] tiffany greskamp: lol
[10:21:41 PM] tiffany greskamp: howd your hair turn out
[10:21:52 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BEAUTIMOUS.
[10:21:56 PM] tiffany greskamp: what????
[10:22:24 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BEAUTIFUL + I DONT KNOW WHAT OTHER WORD I COMBINED WITH THAT
[10:22:27 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: FABULOUS?
[10:22:29 PM] tiffany greskamp: HAHAHAHAHAHA
[10:22:33 PM] tiffany greskamp: haha
[10:22:37 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: NOT SURE WHERE THE M CAME FROM
[10:22:49 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HEHEH
[10:22:49 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL
[10:22:57 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BAHAHAHA
[10:22:57 PM] tiffany greskamp: i wish i was hyper like u
[10:23:05 PM] tiffany greskamp: im so sleepy from doing nothing ha
[10:23:32 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: YOU NEED TO HYPEREXTEND
[10:23:33 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: LOL
[10:23:42 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BUT NOT YOUR ARM JUST YOURSELF
[10:23:43 PM] tiffany greskamp: thats a bad thing
[10:23:47 PM] tiffany greskamp: lol
[10:23:57 PM] tiffany greskamp: i dont understand
[10:24:03 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: ME EITHER
[10:24:09 PM] tiffany greskamp: did you inhale too much hair color today
[10:24:17 PM] tiffany greskamp: you make me giggle
[10:24:21 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: MORE THAN LIKELY
[10:24:31 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I CAN HEAR YOUR GIGGLE THROUGH OUR TISSUE PAPER WALLS
[10:24:43 PM] tiffany greskamp: WHY ALL THE CAPS????!!??!?
[10:24:51 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: CAUSE ITS MORE FUN
[10:24:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: o
[10:24:56 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: AND IT LOOKS LIKE IM YELLING
[10:24:57 PM] tiffany greskamp: O
[10:25:01 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: TO GET THE POINT ACROSS
[10:25:07 PM] tiffany greskamp: IM IN A STORE AND IM SINGING\
[10:25:30 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: IM HERE WITH MY DAD.....& WE NEVER MET & HE WANTS ME TO SING HIM A SOOOONG
[10:25:35 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: & GUESS WHAT
[10:25:39 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL WHAT
[10:25:43 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
[10:26:04 PM] tiffany greskamp: YOUR FACE SHOULD BE ON A CHRISTMAS CARD
[10:26:18 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: WHATS A CHRISTMAS GRAHAM! I WANT ONEEE
[10:26:29 PM] tiffany greskamp: CAN YOU GIIIIVE UUUUUSSSS DIIIRRREEEEEECTIOONNNNSSSS???? ....COMMMMMME BAAAAACKKK
[10:26:44 PM] tiffany greskamp: WOOOHAHAHHHAAAAA BLLALAHHAHH
[10:26:48 PM] tiffany greskamp: THAT SOUNDED A LITTLE ORCA ISH
[10:27:04 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I WISH I COULD SPEAK WHALE
[10:27:09 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: MAYBE I SHOULD TRY HUMPBACK
[10:27:15 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[10:27:17 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL
[10:27:37 PM] tiffany greskamp: WERE LOOKING FOR HIS SON DINGO
[10:27:42 PM] tiffany greskamp: NEMO
[10:27:52 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HIS SON BINGO
[10:28:00 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: NEMOOOO
[10:28:14 PM] tiffany greskamp: P SHERMAN 42 WALLABY WAY SYDNEY
[10:28:20 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I REMEMBERED IT AGIAN!
[10:28:24 PM] tiffany greskamp: "ESCAP-E"
[10:28:36 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HUH THATS FUNNY IT LOOKS JUST LIKE THE WORD ESCAPE
[10:28:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: OH LOOK ITS A PARTY WHO BROUGHT BALLOONS?
[10:29:04 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: CAREFUL WITH THAT HAMMER
[10:29:23 PM] tiffany greskamp: HO HO HOHO HOOO I LOOVE TOO SWWIIIIIMMM
[10:29:52 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HEY CONSIOUS, AM I DEAD?
[10:30:20 PM] tiffany greskamp: D.A.R.L.A.
[10:30:39 PM] tiffany greskamp: YOURE REALLY CUTE BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE SAYING!
[10:31:17 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: SEAMONKEY STOLE MY $$$$$$$
[10:31:22 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL
[10:32:20 PM] tiffany greskamp: GO TO BED
[10:32:28 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: NEVERRRRRRRR
[10:32:36 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: I ACTUALLY NEED TO WORK OUT...IM STALLING
[10:32:39 PM] tiffany greskamp: LOL OK 5YEAR OLD
[10:32:50 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HAHAH DEVIL 5 YEAR OLD
[10:32:51 PM] tiffany greskamp: JUMP ON YOUR BEN FOR AEROBICS
[10:32:53 PM] tiffany greskamp: *BED
[10:32:55 PM] tiffany greskamp: HAHAHAHAAA
[10:32:58 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
[10:33:10 PM] tiffany greskamp: I HEAR YOU LAUGHING AND ITS MAKING ME LAUGH
[10:33:13 PM] tiffany greskamp: UNCONTROLLABLY
[10:33:16 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: PAHAHHAHA
[10:33:17 PM] tiffany greskamp: IM GASPING FOR AIR
[10:33:27 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: WOULDNT IT BE COOL IF WE BOTH HAD BENS
[10:33:32 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: TEHEHTEHHE
[10:33:38 PM] tiffany greskamp: YEAH THEN WE COULD BE BEN BUDDIES
[10:33:46 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: AND JUMP ON THEM
[10:33:49 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: LOL
[10:33:50 PM] tiffany greskamp: HAHA
[10:33:56 PM] tiffany greskamp: HES CALLING ME RIGHT NOW
[10:33:59 PM] tiffany greskamp: SSHHH
[10:34:13 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BENJYYYYYYYYY
[10:45:36 PM] Michaela T. Thomas: IM GOING TO SAVE THIS CONVERSATION FOR MY WHOLE LIFE.
1.25.2011
daydreamer.
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.
Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.
I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.
1.24.2011
Winter.
I should know
Who I am by now
I walk
The record stands somehow
Thinking of winter
Your name is the splinter inside me
While I wait
And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wait
The walk has all been cleared by now
Your voice is all I hear somehow
Calling out Winter
Your voice is the splinter inside me
While I wait
I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wait
I could have lost myself
In rough blue waters in your eyes
And I miss you still
I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wait
Who I am by now
I walk
The record stands somehow
Thinking of winter
Your name is the splinter inside me
While I wait
And I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wait
The walk has all been cleared by now
Your voice is all I hear somehow
Calling out Winter
Your voice is the splinter inside me
While I wait
I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wait
I could have lost myself
In rough blue waters in your eyes
And I miss you still
I remember the sound
Of your November downtown
And I remember the truth
A warm December with you
But I don't have to make this mistake
And I don't have to stay this way
If only I would wait
dear 2010,
YOU SUCKED.
there's no easier way to say it. i am overflowing lately but no urge to tell it to anyone. for fear that no one understands. partially because i don't even have words for thoughts.
i decided: 2011 = soul searching.
i need it.
I read through some things over the past couple years I wrote on here. I miss those things I used to say. I miss those things I used to feel. what happened?
life.
that's what.
a part of life I didnt think I would have to deal with for a long time again.
If i actually decide to press "publish post" on this one it could be a miracle. I've never even told people some of these things.
It's been over a year now. More than 365 days. that seems like a lot. it looks like a big number. but it goes fast. speed of lightening & it's over like that. despite the fastness of every year that goes by, 2010 had a pause & fast forward button. thank goodness. because i was getting tired of it at times. see, i never used to be that way. i would have never said that before. before meaning before i lost one of the most important people in my life. you took a part of me with you, you know that? or i'm still trying to hold on to all of you. how about both.
things changed. & i'm learning things i don't want to learn. some good, probably some bad.
out of those 365 days, i had tears estimating around 334 days. usually at night. because night is when my thought arise.
it seems like it's just getting harder. why now? i thought by now it was suppose to be easier.
ending this rant. this is even vague.
i'm struggling. but i have good intentions for 2011. a new year for happiness to come back 24/7 like before. my kind of happiness. not everyone else's.
i'm going to make it. we all are.
soul searching.
you have my whole heart. take care of it for me ok? no one else will do.
you always made me feel like the most bright & creative & beautiful person. I'm getting there again. i want to be what you always made me feel like.
i've already been smiling more. & i promise to think of you more because i want to be ok.
you know what i love most, you two are shining down on me. every single day.
there's no easier way to say it. i am overflowing lately but no urge to tell it to anyone. for fear that no one understands. partially because i don't even have words for thoughts.
i decided: 2011 = soul searching.
i need it.
I read through some things over the past couple years I wrote on here. I miss those things I used to say. I miss those things I used to feel. what happened?
life.
that's what.
a part of life I didnt think I would have to deal with for a long time again.
If i actually decide to press "publish post" on this one it could be a miracle. I've never even told people some of these things.
It's been over a year now. More than 365 days. that seems like a lot. it looks like a big number. but it goes fast. speed of lightening & it's over like that. despite the fastness of every year that goes by, 2010 had a pause & fast forward button. thank goodness. because i was getting tired of it at times. see, i never used to be that way. i would have never said that before. before meaning before i lost one of the most important people in my life. you took a part of me with you, you know that? or i'm still trying to hold on to all of you. how about both.
things changed. & i'm learning things i don't want to learn. some good, probably some bad.
out of those 365 days, i had tears estimating around 334 days. usually at night. because night is when my thought arise.
it seems like it's just getting harder. why now? i thought by now it was suppose to be easier.
ending this rant. this is even vague.
i'm struggling. but i have good intentions for 2011. a new year for happiness to come back 24/7 like before. my kind of happiness. not everyone else's.
i'm going to make it. we all are.
soul searching.
you have my whole heart. take care of it for me ok? no one else will do.
you always made me feel like the most bright & creative & beautiful person. I'm getting there again. i want to be what you always made me feel like.
i've already been smiling more. & i promise to think of you more because i want to be ok.
you know what i love most, you two are shining down on me. every single day.
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