to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
& you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you again.
10.31.2011
10.30.2011
10.28.2011
we've all got broken strings.
but we try our best not to think
about those kinds of things.
i wonder about love sometimes
& the bodies i've seen it come in.
how when we hit the light
we never stay for long.
maybe our bodies weren't built
for this. but i'll never be sorry for
all the feelings i bear in all the places
they cannot fit.
sometimes when i listen carefully
i think i hear you singing.
maybe it's just the sound of the
wind hitting our broken strings.
but this world is a very lonely place
if you never
learn how to love
broken
things.
10.26.2011
10.20.2011
EMPHASIS.
Death is promised to the bee who's sting protects the colony.
Was it's life worth nothing more than honey for the queen?
Life is a branch and it is a dove, handcrafted by confusing love.
Sign language is our reply, when church beels make no sound.
In hollow towers and empty hives, we craved sweetness with a fear of heights.
Was it all just a grain of sand in an hourglass?
The smartest thing i've ever learned is that i don't have all the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
Death is a cold, blindfolded kiss.
It is the finger pressed upon our lips.
It puts an unwanted emphasis on how we should have lived.
Life is a gorgeous, broken gift.
Six billion+ pieces waiting to be fixed.
Love letters that were never signed, sent to where we live.
But the sweetest thing i've ever heard is that i don't have to have the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
Was it's life worth nothing more than honey for the queen?
Life is a branch and it is a dove, handcrafted by confusing love.
Sign language is our reply, when church beels make no sound.
In hollow towers and empty hives, we craved sweetness with a fear of heights.
Was it all just a grain of sand in an hourglass?
The smartest thing i've ever learned is that i don't have all the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
Death is a cold, blindfolded kiss.
It is the finger pressed upon our lips.
It puts an unwanted emphasis on how we should have lived.
Life is a gorgeous, broken gift.
Six billion+ pieces waiting to be fixed.
Love letters that were never signed, sent to where we live.
But the sweetest thing i've ever heard is that i don't have to have the answers,
just a little light to call my own.
Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows,
a speck of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.
10.19.2011
Because.
Question? Turned into an opinion:
All I know, is that you can't rely on someone to make you happy.
Not saying that people can't make you a happier person. Because they can. But if you build upon them you arn't going to be happy because people let you down because we are all human.
People compliment your life well. So don't ever not welcome them in. They are suppose to be there. Just not a source of dependancy.
I hate that.
Somebody explain life to me...I'm lost.
Happiness lies in the eye of the beholder.
You want to know if somebody is happy? Look into their eyes. They don't have to be smiling.
All I know, is that you can't rely on someone to make you happy.
Not saying that people can't make you a happier person. Because they can. But if you build upon them you arn't going to be happy because people let you down because we are all human.
People compliment your life well. So don't ever not welcome them in. They are suppose to be there. Just not a source of dependancy.
I hate that.
Somebody explain life to me...I'm lost.
Happiness lies in the eye of the beholder.
You want to know if somebody is happy? Look into their eyes. They don't have to be smiling.
10.16.2011
maybe you'll never notice.
because you are fireworks and
i am pale skies and you are trumpets
and claxons while i am a single harp string
and i have shy eyes and quiet
hands and where you are the chorus and
the thunder of waves, i am only a breeze
ruffling the grass, in the faint and milky dawn
but
i love you more than you know.
because you are fireworks and
i am pale skies and you are trumpets
and claxons while i am a single harp string
and i have shy eyes and quiet
hands and where you are the chorus and
the thunder of waves, i am only a breeze
ruffling the grass, in the faint and milky dawn
but
i love you more than you know.
10.14.2011
10.06.2011
I love reading old posts that I never posted. I feel like sharing it, at least for now. Catch it while you can:
9.30.11
So many things to say to you. Unanswered questions, opinions, thoughts. Just one problem. Is it worth telling you? See, I don't know.
Some days I've moved on & somedays I haven't. But to me, it feels like were fighting something. Why? Why are we fighting something so easy? Something that just happened that we hardly had to work for? Isn't that's how its suppose to be? You've got other battles over you though. & I know that. But still, I just wanna scream "FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY". Some things can't be rushed.
9.29.11
I've been asked: "Why are you so nice to people who don't deserve it?"
Besides the fact that I've known the golden rule since before I came into the world, it is my belief that those are the people who need it most. Whether you have shown if you do or don't deserve it, it's who I am no matter what. So, no matter how awful you decide to treat me, I will forever be nice to you. Is it ok to take advantage? Walk all over me? Do whatever you want with my heart? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
But, more than likely, you'll do it anyway. Why change now, right?
Do not say anything you don't mean. If you really mean it, SHOW ME.
Words mean nothing when they don't match up to your actions. Empty words, its all I hear.
I do strive to have good intentions, & do good to others. & I fail daily at this. But I TRY. Give it all my best.
& Can I just say I felt like I gave it all my best to you. To make it work, make it happy. Letting you know I never had any intentions to hurt you...did the smile on my face every time you were in my presence not give it away?
After giving you plenty of opportunities to say what you needed to say. And you never took them. Instead of making it easy on everyone, you decide to hide. & then show up when needed.
I can handle every bit of the truth, What I can't handle is lies.
I am so so so sick of the way men treat women. Not to say it can't be the other way around, because I see it just as often. It just breaks my heart. Completely.
JUST BE NICE. RESPECT. ITS NOT THAT HARD. DO IT, I DARE YOU.
Sorry for ranting. Try to read through the anger & bitterness. It was not intended.
Another lesson in life, I'm learning a lot....
Everybody needs love.
8.23.11
things were so easy. falling for someone should be that easy. it shouldn't be forced upon, or be fought with. it just happens. and it did. & I can say this because I know you felt it too otherwise neither one of us would be here.
watching a flower bloom would be faster than waiting for you.
& its not that I want to give up, but I think you already did.
I'm one of those people that needs closure. Are we done here?
8.11.11
It doesn't matter how sorry you feel,
life is a game of dominoes..if only good things were being passed on to one another. when someone hurts you,
you go & do the same thing to another.
At some point it ends though right?
I still believe in the goodness of people.
It's in you & it's not that hard to find.
10.22.09
i LOVE pickles, they're my favorite food. i don't have a favorite color, but if i did, it would be plumish purple. yes, that's a color. i hate making decisions. i get offended if people aren't as bubbly about things as i am. my entire bedroom is actually just a huge closet to me. i often pretend like my life is the movie serendipity. however, i do believe everyone is passed through your life for a reason. i hope i'm a reason for someone else. i cry easily. it's cause i have a loving heart :) sweet tea is my favorite drink. i love the way i feel in a dress. i hate hate hate when people eat by themselves. i love to snuggle. i love people+bonfires. there is a feeling i get around the holidays, it is like no other. even when i think about it i can feel it. i can smell, feel and taste it, i get so excited. i hate to be alone. i dont remember that last time i went to bed before midnight. i'm a night owl. hoo, hoo. i hate planning. i don't like fruit. grapes and bananas sometimes. it doesn't matter how much sleep i get, if i have to wake up in the morning, i will be tired and not want to get up. i don't talk in the mornings. give me a few hours after i wake up. my mom is my best friend. really, my best friend. when i'm old, i want a cool story to tell. i've never felt like i "fit in". i like that about myself. i hate to be like anyone else. i don't like to have the same things, wear the same things, i don't like when people say i remind them of someone else. i'm michaela. i want to be just me. originality is my favorite. my favorite saying is "i belong among the wildflowers." because i do. i live in the future too much. i hate peanut butter. i might be the only kid who wouldnt eat pb&j's. gross.
these are the little things i want to know about you.
(CAN I JUST SAY HOW EXCITED I WAS READING THIS AGAIN. IT BROUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE KNOWING NOTHINGS CHANGED! HEHE)
9.1.09
i greet him with my best smile.
So many things to say to you. Unanswered questions, opinions, thoughts. Just one problem. Is it worth telling you? See, I don't know.
Some days I've moved on & somedays I haven't. But to me, it feels like were fighting something. Why? Why are we fighting something so easy? Something that just happened that we hardly had to work for? Isn't that's how its suppose to be? You've got other battles over you though. & I know that. But still, I just wanna scream "FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY". Some things can't be rushed.
9.29.11
I've been asked: "Why are you so nice to people who don't deserve it?"
Besides the fact that I've known the golden rule since before I came into the world, it is my belief that those are the people who need it most. Whether you have shown if you do or don't deserve it, it's who I am no matter what. So, no matter how awful you decide to treat me, I will forever be nice to you. Is it ok to take advantage? Walk all over me? Do whatever you want with my heart? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
But, more than likely, you'll do it anyway. Why change now, right?
Do not say anything you don't mean. If you really mean it, SHOW ME.
Words mean nothing when they don't match up to your actions. Empty words, its all I hear.
I do strive to have good intentions, & do good to others. & I fail daily at this. But I TRY. Give it all my best.
& Can I just say I felt like I gave it all my best to you. To make it work, make it happy. Letting you know I never had any intentions to hurt you...did the smile on my face every time you were in my presence not give it away?
After giving you plenty of opportunities to say what you needed to say. And you never took them. Instead of making it easy on everyone, you decide to hide. & then show up when needed.
I can handle every bit of the truth, What I can't handle is lies.
I am so so so sick of the way men treat women. Not to say it can't be the other way around, because I see it just as often. It just breaks my heart. Completely.
JUST BE NICE. RESPECT. ITS NOT THAT HARD. DO IT, I DARE YOU.
Sorry for ranting. Try to read through the anger & bitterness. It was not intended.
Another lesson in life, I'm learning a lot....
Everybody needs love.
8.23.11
the look on your face that night
I saw you with your split second
of a grin keeps replaying in my head.
things were so easy. falling for someone should be that easy. it shouldn't be forced upon, or be fought with. it just happens. and it did. & I can say this because I know you felt it too otherwise neither one of us would be here.
watching a flower bloom would be faster than waiting for you.
& its not that I want to give up, but I think you already did.
I'm one of those people that needs closure. Are we done here?
8.11.11
It doesn't matter how sorry you feel,
life is a game of dominoes..if only good things were being passed on to one another. when someone hurts you,
you go & do the same thing to another.
At some point it ends though right?
I still believe in the goodness of people.
It's in you & it's not that hard to find.
10.22.09
i LOVE pickles, they're my favorite food. i don't have a favorite color, but if i did, it would be plumish purple. yes, that's a color. i hate making decisions. i get offended if people aren't as bubbly about things as i am. my entire bedroom is actually just a huge closet to me. i often pretend like my life is the movie serendipity. however, i do believe everyone is passed through your life for a reason. i hope i'm a reason for someone else. i cry easily. it's cause i have a loving heart :) sweet tea is my favorite drink. i love the way i feel in a dress. i hate hate hate when people eat by themselves. i love to snuggle. i love people+bonfires. there is a feeling i get around the holidays, it is like no other. even when i think about it i can feel it. i can smell, feel and taste it, i get so excited. i hate to be alone. i dont remember that last time i went to bed before midnight. i'm a night owl. hoo, hoo. i hate planning. i don't like fruit. grapes and bananas sometimes. it doesn't matter how much sleep i get, if i have to wake up in the morning, i will be tired and not want to get up. i don't talk in the mornings. give me a few hours after i wake up. my mom is my best friend. really, my best friend. when i'm old, i want a cool story to tell. i've never felt like i "fit in". i like that about myself. i hate to be like anyone else. i don't like to have the same things, wear the same things, i don't like when people say i remind them of someone else. i'm michaela. i want to be just me. originality is my favorite. my favorite saying is "i belong among the wildflowers." because i do. i live in the future too much. i hate peanut butter. i might be the only kid who wouldnt eat pb&j's. gross.
these are the little things i want to know about you.
(CAN I JUST SAY HOW EXCITED I WAS READING THIS AGAIN. IT BROUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE KNOWING NOTHINGS CHANGED! HEHE)
9.1.09
i greet him with my best smile.
10.04.2011
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