happy halloween

I'm holdin' on

To pictures on my telephone

And I know that I should let you go

But it's hard to break away.

I ask around

And I wonder what you're doing now

But I hear that you've been going out

A little more these days.

Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say is

Everything's wrong, nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there by your side...holding on.

Remember when

We were further than you'd ever been

And I think about it now and then;

It takes me to that place.

When I pretend

That I'm better than I've ever been

Well at least that's what I tell my friends

Cause I can't show my face

Well, I can't lie that I think from time to time

How you're doing.

But don't hang up cause

What I really meant to say

Everything's wrong and nothing's going right

Just know that I'm not hard to find.

So just say the word and I'll race to you tonight

And I'll be right there

by your side.

oh, do i know you?

i hate this feeling and where i stand right now.

but i think its time.

you FOREVER have a piece of my heart that no one else will compare too. you have taught me things, changed my life, and made things a little happier just from knowing you. thank you. maybe i'll see you again one day.

till then, take care.

on a night like this, the moon sits still and

the stars are watching too.

i miss your company

and i don't feel you

around anymore.

work dinner.

fun. fun. fun.

love?

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

not to position people into "groups" or anything,

however there are many types of people in this world.

there is one type of person that really bothers me...

and it is those who mark there place in this world by crushing one's spirit.

i haven't quite figured these people out yet.

and i don't think i ever will because i cannot even phathom why

someone would want to or be ok with being this way.

i'm not sure if maybe they feel like criticizing your work

and ability will make them better than you. or maybe to make them feel better about themselves. or possibly their heart is misplaced and unwanted to find. it seems as though they aren't even unhappy with the results, it's almost like they just don't want you to feel accomplished.

they are NEVER satisfied.

whatever the case may be,

i pray for these people i

encounter throughout each day.

they need it. but i feel as though

i have to pray for myself because

they give me this overpowering

feeling that is a hard one to

overcome.

i am confident but have a very gentle spirit.

so please, next time you feel the need to crumble, destroy, overturn my loving happy heart, rethink your intentions.

or don't return.

woo, i feel better!

well, you may or may not know, but i find the tinest littlest insignificant things the BEST. i also have a thing where i over exaggerate everything like way out of proportion. so when i find something really small and unessessary, it usually MAKES MY DAY. i get insanely overly excited about teeny little things. (and that is not an exaggeration.) like really. and i just think it's the most amazing thing ever. and i read into things way too much.

i just felt i needed to explain myself a

bit to tell you this story

otherwise it might not make sense.

or something.

so i got off work a little late this evening and stopped on the way home to get a crappy dinner and take home. its rainy and cold and late and tiring. so i come home to a dark and quiet house. it was actually nice for a little bit after the day i had. i'm sitting there by myself eating dinner....(oh quick sidenote: i ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND, HATE when people eat ALONE. like my heart breaks into millions.) so i'm eating my wendys alone and just starring at my kitchen quietly going through my day. looking around, thinking wow, i really don't ever want my life to be this way. i can just picture myself in 10 years...going home to my lonely apartment after work, eating chicken nuggets, alone in my quiet home. living a boring routine life. (i hate routine.) sad. just a sad life to picture. and i know there are some out there living this way. i want someone to share my dinner with, talk about our day, someone to say "i love you" to before i go to bed (other than my wonderful mother...love you :)
as i'm beginning to think about living this life, i picked up my chicken nugget from wendys and looked down and it was the shape of a heart. i just had to smile. ironic maybe, but these are the little insignificant things that make my world...alright. it was like a little sign, YOU ARE LOVED. and i know that fully well. so thank you, it was a nice little reminder. no, i do not have a boyfriend, husband, fiance...a man really, but i have the Lord, my family and friends. and i'm am oh so grateful in more ways than imagined.
a tiny little nugget made this evolve from my head. this is where i over exaggerate and get completely overly excited.

so ya i totally am a believer in the
SMALLEST THINGS ARE THE BEST.
and you will never talk me out of it. it's just a part of me.

and me is all i can be.

ineedtogetoveryou,willyoujusttellmeyoudon'tlovemealready

dear mom,

you are BEAUTIFUL.

and i'm clearly not the only one who thinks so ;)

love, me

LNBH#2

unrequited love.