i hope something here will make you smile.




7.16.2009

i have a serious, selfish problem. make it go away.

RANT:
i'm so annoyed i could just scream. well i'm more of a cryer. i could just cry.

life is great. i love Jesus. i love my family. i love my friends. i love doing hair. blah, blah, blah, and then there's you.

i love you too.

but i want you to feel the same way i feel about you , and you don't. and i won't except that. i want to be not be so "wow" about you. i do. but i simply cant. everytime i try, i couldn't think about you more. i ask myself how well i really know you, i can't answer that though. you have a new life and i feel as though i'm not apart of it anymore. in the beginning i felt like i was. i wish it was the way it used to be. you wanted to talk to me. and i was always there to talk. 4am...4 pm. i really miss those spontaneous talks, that unexpected laughter. i made myself available whenever so that i wouldn't miss one word from you. but i'm not that kind of priority in your life. lucky to get 3 sentences from you now.

i talk about you often. if i heard my name come out of your voice i would probably just die.


i hate that you're this amazing person that came into my life and i'm not the same in your eyes. i want to be yours so bad it's pathetic. i mean really. i live my life like you're sitting right beside me. whenever i do something fun i stop and think about what it would be like if you were right there with me and it makes it even better until i step my foot back in the door of reality. oh hi, you're an idiot.

i've built up this strong hope to only in the end be so broken i won't know what to do with myself.


this is me and the thing lingering in my mind
the past few years. that's why i want to scream.(cry)



truth be told.
i still want you here.

1 comment:

Chelle said...

i hear ya. :( life's not very fair sometimes.