hey mom,

i love you.

just thought you needed to know again.

love,

me

uhhh, move on already.

i am really really happy,

even if it seems that i am not.

just that part of my life

is all over the place, literally (haha)

everything else is growing and loving :)

at least i can say i create laughter everyday.

usually laughing at myself.

well if i can do something,

it's keeping myself entertained. that's fun.

thanks for the snow cone tonight, mom. you are my favorite.

i knew it.

you might just be the one

that is suppose to get me

where i'm meant to be.

and thats it.

and that is a reality i'd rather not face.

couldn't i just live my life through expectation.

that i expect to see you soon, so i will.

and when i see you, you are smiling.

i expect to be in your thoughts, so i'm there.

i expect us to be together, so we are.

i expect you to love me, so you do.

there is no reality in that.

therefore, we are none of these things.

i'm tired of "there's other fish in the sea"

what is that.

the only fish i want is swimming in another ocean.

i will go a million miles to get to there.

i'll meet you there someday.

i will.

will you wait for me?

i'll leave you with that.

i'm off to illinois this weekend. i'm super excited to be leaving the state of indiana if only for a little while. i'm looking forward to a nice little road trip. HOWEVER, sleeping at last will be playing a show like the next city over from where i will be sunday evening. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! and i can't even go. hmmpf.
it will still be good. then i will be anxiously awaiting tuesday to start my new job. aaawesome.

and if someone will take me to that swing, i'd probably marry you :)

love. love. love.

You are stronger than you think.

Today,
July 23, 2009 at 5:27pm
I got a very important phone call.

It told me
that I got
the job.

I am living my dream(part of it :) and I'm really happy
!!!!!!!

Life is good,

God is BETTER.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my best friend, mother, and the most beautiful woman I know.

MNBH,

Today is your birthday! How does it feel to be 37? (as you've been telling me the past week) I hope today is amazing for you. Hopefully one of the best birthday's you've had seeing that you are at work right now doing something you love! It's so very good to see you in a position that you want to be in finally. I knew it would come! And then we get to hang out! I'm so happy that I get to hang out with you on your birthday!!

Lately, I don't know what it is, but I have really stepped back looking at my life a lot. And you are always the first thing I see. I CANNOT even explain the gratefullness, the love, the laughter, and blessings I have from you. These past 19 years, you have shown me love, passion, happiness, and everything in between. What a huge support you have been to me. You have had to be a mother and a father to me. And look at you, you are amazing. You are the strongest person I know. I wouldn't trade anything for the past 4 years. Every year we grow closer and closer. We have had some of the best times of my life together, you and me. More than likely most of them were us finding the most insignificant things absolutely hilarious. And that's one of my favorite things about you. I have someone who's just like me to laugh with, someone who thinks the same things are funny so I'm not the only one laughing, someone who I love to be around allll the time. "Who has more fun than us?!!"

I could absolutely not no way not in any form ask for a better mother. You are BEAUTIFUL. I tell you that everyday and you better believe it. I am beyond beyond blessed to have you in my life. Thanks for being not only my amazing mother, but also my very bestest friend.

I love you right up to the moon, and back.

Love,

Mic

:)

AWESOME.

one love is all this heart is yearning for

I JUST PASSED MY FINAL STATE BOARD TEST....I'M OFFICIALLY A LICENSED COSMETOLOGIST!!!!!
:)
:)
:)

reverie is my favorite word.

:)

and i want my hair this color, nowwww.

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of
His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful
You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us.

young, naive, irrelevant.



i just took a look at my blog, HIS LOVE IS ENOUGH. and yet i go on a rant about frustration with love when it's right in front of me. He should be all we need, right? why is that so hard to understand sometimes?
practice what you preach.

i have a serious, selfish problem. make it go away.

RANT:
i'm so annoyed i could just scream. well i'm more of a cryer. i could just cry.

life is great. i love Jesus. i love my family. i love my friends. i love doing hair. blah, blah, blah, and then there's you.

i love you too.

but i want you to feel the same way i feel about you , and you don't. and i won't except that. i want to be not be so "wow" about you. i do. but i simply cant. everytime i try, i couldn't think about you more. i ask myself how well i really know you, i can't answer that though. you have a new life and i feel as though i'm not apart of it anymore. in the beginning i felt like i was. i wish it was the way it used to be. you wanted to talk to me. and i was always there to talk. 4am...4 pm. i really miss those spontaneous talks, that unexpected laughter. i made myself available whenever so that i wouldn't miss one word from you. but i'm not that kind of priority in your life. lucky to get 3 sentences from you now.

i talk about you often. if i heard my name come out of your voice i would probably just die.


i hate that you're this amazing person that came into my life and i'm not the same in your eyes. i want to be yours so bad it's pathetic. i mean really. i live my life like you're sitting right beside me. whenever i do something fun i stop and think about what it would be like if you were right there with me and it makes it even better until i step my foot back in the door of reality. oh hi, you're an idiot.

i've built up this strong hope to only in the end be so broken i won't know what to do with myself.


this is me and the thing lingering in my mind

the past few years. that's why i want to scream.(cry)



truth be told.
i still want you here.

do i have to let go
and watch you walk away?

study
study
study

i love this movie and

it's on right now

and i'm watching it.

woooo.

my favorite part is

almost here

GOALS ruin spontaneity.

bff

dear meruge,

if you're alive

and still my favorite

sister and still love me

you should come help.

I am SO out

of my comfort

zone

it should be illegal.

everyone knows but you.

k, let's get this week over with.

make it go really really fast please.

i just really miss you.
ya, that's it. i miss you.

i just had a really good laugh.
....not because of the burning fumes either.

It's official,

I did not get my father's chef genes.

I was just trying to heat up some chicken. Simple thought, right? Until the microwave start's smoking out the back of it and I open it up and more smoke comes out blocking my vision and the chicken is black. Somehow in all this mess, the smoke alarm did not go off, which may be another issue because that's all you could see.

My entire house now smells like burnt. mmm.

I think I'll stick with doing hair. That's my specialty.

neon pink nail polish.

DO NOT DISTURB.

if this isn't cute, you are weird.

:)

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open.

have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

I LOVE WHAT I DO. I LOVE DOING HAIR!!!!!!

also, my new shears are aaaaamazing!

Today I had lunch with some old friends and it was good :)

I'm content. No, I'm passed content.

Tomorrow, I get to do some hair.

I have a possible salon that I'm looking at.

I miss my friends. Everyone left me for Florida. Really, I'm not more exciting than Florida?

I'm on my way to being a platinum blonde.

Oh, and someone should go see this with me.

needle and thread

When the world welcomes us in,
We're closer to Heaven than we'll ever know.
They say this place has changed,
But strip away all of the technology
And you will see
That we all are hunters,
Hunting for something that will make us okay.

Here we lay alone in hospital beds,
Tracing life in our heads;
But all that is left
Is that this was our entrance and now it's our exit,
As we find our way home.

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That we are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of it.

"You were a million years of work,"
Said God and His angels, with needle and thread.
They kissed your head and said,
"You're a good kid and you make us proud.
So just give your best and the rest will come,
And we'll see you soon."

All the blood and all the sweat
That we invested to be loved
Follows us into our end,
Where we begin to understand

That maybe Hollywood was right:
When the credits have rolled and the tears have dried,
The answers that we have been dying to find
Are all pieced together and, somehow,
Made perfectly mine.

We are made of love,
And all the beauty stemming from it.
We are made of love,
And every fracture caused by the lack of love.

for now, anyway

I'm probably going to

stay here, and I think

I'll be ok with that.

sing this to me?

hi,

i've been awake since 6:30am. actually you know those nights when you don't really sleep the whole night. Like you pretend to sleep but really you're awake. Ya, that's me. so i've been up all night and i'm annoyed.

really?

MY SISTER GOT ENGAGED TONIGHTTTTT!

you're everywhere.

i am reminded of you a lot lately.

you should know i smile my best smile when it happens.

*sigh*

spontaneous?

i've had this sudden urge lately to do something crazy over this next year. something "crazy" like go move somewhere new for a little bit, see other things, use my career to go help less fortunate others, go do hair on cruise ships, SOMETHING NEW & DIFFERENT, just anything other than be at a regular salon in regular indiana.
because right now that sounds less than thrilling.

i want something new, fresh, stirring, appealing.

i love my sister.